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Making tough decisions!

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Ollie turns 1 next week. Quite possibly the quickest year of my life. I get quite emotional even thinking about it .. He’s no longer a little baby, he’s fast becoming a little toddler. The time has flashed before my eyes.

I’ve loved watching him develop and grow. He’s a funny, cheeky and a very loveable little guy.

It’s been hard, amazing, but ultimately very rewarding.

He makes me happy every day. I still wonder what I did to deserve him (you might be thinking how soppy but that’s the truth!)

After Ollie was born I did my first job a couple of weeks later. Nothing taxing , just an hours photocall. I didn’t feel pressurised. I was still in a happy baby bubble ,I felt good so off I went.

I slowly did more and more as the weeks went on.

Apart from my modelling work I decided to under take creating my website, something I wanted to do for some time. Being pregnant and suffering from insomnia meant I made lots of new plans! has now turned into a full time job. One that I absolutely love but a very time consuming one at that.

Since Ollie has come along more opportunities have come my way, I’m collaborating with Miller & Lamb and designing my own line of wedding invitations. Something I’m very excited and passionate about.

I’ve also started as a columnist for U Magazine, writing about all things fashion and beauty related. My dream kind of job too.

I have more things on ‘my list’ that I’m trying hard to make into a reality. Working away quietly at them with any spare time I have.

So with all that being said , recently I’ve had a tough decision to make.

When it came to childcare I was pretty sure I could do without any help. Until now Brian and I have managed just fine between us. Yes we’re lucky that our jobs aren’t 9 to 5 (well there’s cons to that too) But! some days have been crazy trying to juggle it all and I realised I couldn’t keep it all up. The bigger and more mobile Ollie got the harder it got.

I started thinking about our options, family helping was out of the question , my Mum lives too far away, it just wouldn’t be convenient enough. Everyone else close to us have their own busy schedules so it wasn’t an option to have any family mind him on a regular basis.

I thought about having someone come into our house, then I thought no that won’t work either, I work a lot from home so I wouldn’t be able to concentrate or let someone take over in my house.

I considered a friends kind offer to mind him in her house a couple of days a week. After some thought that wasn’t an option either.

We finally decided on crèche. I looked at numerous ones. The last one I really liked. I brought Brian back to look at it and finally we were happy, it ticked all the boxes.

So why did I feel so guilty? And still do!
Ollie’s only enrolled for 2 half days a week. So what’s the big deal I keep telling myself.. It’ll be good for him and his social skills etc..
Still !! you feel this unbelievable guilt when handing him over to someone neither of you barely know.

I then went to a job last week and one of the girls asked “who has Ollie today” I found myself making excuses for why he was in crèche .. “oh it’s only for a few hours”
How pathetic was I to feel like I’d to explain myself. She was only making conversation, I doubt she even batted an eye lid over it but there I was feeling guilty again!

I want to work, I have to work! I’m fortunate to really enjoy everything I’m doing and the best is definitely yet to come. Meaning I really didn’t want to slow up.

Its only been a couple of weeks since Ollie started in crèche and the pressure it’s taken off us has been huge, I can now plan 2 afternoons a week. Oh not to mention being able to have a cup of tea ,drink it while it’s still hot and actually finish it!

I’ve come to the conclusion that there’ll be pros and cons to every decision when it comes to your kids and work.
Some of my friends that are stay at home Mums often comment that they wish they still worked, ones that work around the clock wish they could spend more time at home.

It’s hard to get the balance right that’s for sure.. And who are we to judge anyway? I don’t think any of us are perfect and have everything “correct”

Once you’re happy and your family is happy isn’t that all that really matters.

Whatever set up works for you… Do that!

.. Oh! And stop being so hard on yourself 😉


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